Thursday, January 22
Jan. 23rd, 2026 01:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
Good sleep.
TW texted to try to get me to engage with her, and I sent her an essay on how she can't tell me she wants to die without her being ready to do something to help herself. I texted that I was disengaging from her, knowing that she has options available to her if she chooses to do something for her mental health, but it's not up to me to save her.
And it felt good.
I made an appointment to talk with a counselor specific to family of alcoholics/addicts for two weeks from now.
We'll see about Al-Anon, my only fear is that it will be a lot of talking about trauma, and it might be overwhelming because I know a lot of people have very heavy stories, and I tend to take on other people's emotions.
I did talk at length with friend D, she talked about her feelings/frustrations/fears about her Mom's health and the failings of the home her Mom is living in. She also talked about her own disengagement from her addict daughter (very similar patterns to TW, getting better so D talks to her again, then things fall apart, her daughter asks for money, or yells at D, picks fights, freaks out, leaves, comes back, demands more money, etc.).
I was doing some of the chores while talking with D. It's pretty cold today, and supposed to be VERY COLD tonight, so that means extra things to do before it's that bad.
I had the normal feeding done by the time my Sweetie got home, and he helped me get the goats to the garage (they seem to understand now that we're heading to the warm place. Every winter they're skeptical the first time they go, then they seem to get it).
Then we put a blanket on Wonder, and Dandy got to visit Wonder, then go back to be with Ursula.
Then my Sweetie went to the garage shop to work more on the water system for the pottery studio, and I went to the pottery studio.
It's pretty cool, to be able to go work in our own studio. I've been imagining this for years, I always felt like that garden shed would become the studio, and now it is.
I trimmed the mug form, and added a handle to it in a different way. It is one STURDY mug, and feels heavy, but it's not unattractive.
Then I made an urn form and two potential lids that may be Earl the cat at the riding barn's urn, if it turns out.
Then we headed inside, but what a nice thing on a super cold evening, to just go work in the pottery studio to avoid that cabin fever feeling when it's cold like this.
We ate, and watched a very fun movie called "What we do in the Shadows".
Good sleep.
TW texted to try to get me to engage with her, and I sent her an essay on how she can't tell me she wants to die without her being ready to do something to help herself. I texted that I was disengaging from her, knowing that she has options available to her if she chooses to do something for her mental health, but it's not up to me to save her.
And it felt good.
I made an appointment to talk with a counselor specific to family of alcoholics/addicts for two weeks from now.
We'll see about Al-Anon, my only fear is that it will be a lot of talking about trauma, and it might be overwhelming because I know a lot of people have very heavy stories, and I tend to take on other people's emotions.
I did talk at length with friend D, she talked about her feelings/frustrations/fears about her Mom's health and the failings of the home her Mom is living in. She also talked about her own disengagement from her addict daughter (very similar patterns to TW, getting better so D talks to her again, then things fall apart, her daughter asks for money, or yells at D, picks fights, freaks out, leaves, comes back, demands more money, etc.).
I was doing some of the chores while talking with D. It's pretty cold today, and supposed to be VERY COLD tonight, so that means extra things to do before it's that bad.
I had the normal feeding done by the time my Sweetie got home, and he helped me get the goats to the garage (they seem to understand now that we're heading to the warm place. Every winter they're skeptical the first time they go, then they seem to get it).
Then we put a blanket on Wonder, and Dandy got to visit Wonder, then go back to be with Ursula.
Then my Sweetie went to the garage shop to work more on the water system for the pottery studio, and I went to the pottery studio.
It's pretty cool, to be able to go work in our own studio. I've been imagining this for years, I always felt like that garden shed would become the studio, and now it is.
I trimmed the mug form, and added a handle to it in a different way. It is one STURDY mug, and feels heavy, but it's not unattractive.
Then I made an urn form and two potential lids that may be Earl the cat at the riding barn's urn, if it turns out.
Then we headed inside, but what a nice thing on a super cold evening, to just go work in the pottery studio to avoid that cabin fever feeling when it's cold like this.
We ate, and watched a very fun movie called "What we do in the Shadows".
no subject
Date: 2026-01-23 08:41 am (UTC)Tomorrow, a deep freeze falls everywhere in North America, it seems - minus 100˚C. And on Sunday, we're supposed to get 30 cm of snow! Flip heck!
no subject
Date: 2026-01-23 09:07 pm (UTC)For us, it's supposed to be cold, but not as bad for a few days, then warm up again.
Last night we brought the goats into the warm garage, put a blanket on Wonder, and made sure everyone got extra hay.
no subject
Date: 2026-01-24 01:37 am (UTC)Lastly can I just congratulate you so very much on your own Pottery Studio! That was such a great idea for you, and it was so awesome to see you both work together..... To where are you now are getting to enjoy it. So happy for you :)
no subject
Date: 2026-01-24 07:58 am (UTC)I think a year ago I was still telling her the same things. She still ended up in the hospital, almost dead.
I am fed up. I was fed up last year too.
I think what might be different, is just fully absorbing that without her being consistently in a program like AA, there is no way that she will stay sober on her own.
I had my doubts anyhow, these past months where she SAID she wasn't drinking. I did know that sooner or later she would have a rough day, or a rough week, and that would likely be it, if she didn't have a support system and without her doing any work on the emotional side of why she's an alcoholic.
Alcoholics in recovery have to go through different steps, one being accepting that you have no control over your addiction, and you thus have to give it over to a higher power.
In practice, that higher power is not god, but the idea of it being out of your control, and having faith in the support of others with the same problem, and believing that drinking isn't the solution.
She's never once this past few months made it sound like it wasn't HER who "overcame" her drinking. She came out of the hospital sobered up, and made like that's all she needed going forward.
She does sometimes sound a bit aware of all the damage she's caused, but has not addressed it with the people she's harmed, and in no way has she sounded truly remorseful for the MANY people she's hurt.
AA would have you write out quite thoroughly the people and the ways that you've caused harm. I don't think she even KNOWS all the damage she's caused, because she wouldn't remember a lot of it.
She's slept with people's husbands and bragged about it to me, she's manipulated people with sex to get things she wants from them, she hurt her kids in a million ways, she's stolen from people, she's taken money she can never pay back, she's hurt animals, she's told lies...it goes on and on.
I don't know how a person could really face an honest inventory of the things they've done over 50 years of being an alcoholic, or how you would begin to make amends with people.
I think that's the real reason why she won't go to AA.
I think the ONLY thing different this time is that I am going to specifically get help to try to understand how to deal with her, and how to stay strong and not get sucked into feeling sorry for her anymore.
I'm glad you enjoy hearing about simple routines with the animals. It gives my life a very needed sense of purpose and structure, and I am happy that I can give the animals good lives.
The ponies especially I think must be so much more happy with us. They used to be so afraid of people, and now they are comfortable being handled and seem to enjoy being pet and having me sit with them.
Thank you with regards to the pottery studio. It was no small thing to convert that shed, and I'm glad my husband did so much work to make it a really nice space.
It's warm, it's brightly lit, there's lots of electrical outlets, the finishing inside is clean and tidy, it's still in the process of being organized, but it's getting there.
I've literally wanted our own studio ever since we moved here.
no subject
Date: 2026-01-28 04:19 am (UTC)