Monday, January 26

[gottawonder]

Today I am grateful for:

Decent sleep.

Doing chores and enjoying the nicer temperature.

I went to town for pottery/groceries.

Pottery, for once, was undramatic, mostly.

I did put the smack down on a woman who works at the local women's shelter. She was talking about being annoyed with a woman who put down her pronouns as "She/Her They/Them", because it was "too confusing".

I didn't say anything at first, but this is not the first time this particular woman has talked about being "annoyed" by "political correctness" and gender issues. She says she's not annoyed by people who are gay, as they are still "shes" or "hims".

So I guess on some level, she's annoyed by gender politics.

She went on to say that she more or less argued with this person about her gender identity; "you look like a woman, you're dressed like a woman, you have long hair, you're a mom, wouldn't you say that that makes your pronouns she/her?".

My feelings? This person isn't going to have any issues stemming from this person's preference in pronouns, is she? She's doing intake information, she might not ever talk to them again. Also, it didn't even sound like you'd have any problem referring to that person as "she" OR "them".

So, I was annoyed, because this is something she's brought up a few times now, and she always seems like she's "feeling out the room" to see if maybe we would agree with her, and we could all get worked up about gender politics and pronouns.

Nope.

I spoke loud and clear. "It's really not that big a deal to just call someone by their chosen pronouns, is it? It seems like a reasonable thing, to address someone in the manner they choose."

She immediately back-pedaled, saying "Oh, I don't have a PROBLEM with it, it's just confusing that she chose both she/her and they/them". Yes, so confusing. So difficult to understand.

It's possible that the woman in question didn't quite understand, or maybe she's just okay being addressed in more than one way. Who cares? I don't.

I managed to throw one potential future vase, and took home a finished tea pot, the one with the odd glaze thing that worked out not too badly, even if it was not a deliberate choice.

Then I went for groceries, and I am very grateful to be able to do so.

I am noticing the longer days already, as it was still light outside when I got out of pottery.

I came home, and my Sweetie had just gotten home too. We brought in the groceries, and I made supper while my husband had one of his epic bathroom visits.

Is it all men? Why does going to the bathroom have the gravitas of meeting the queen, and take longer than some visits to the dentist?

My husband eats a LOT of fiber, and he drinks water. What gives?

We chatted for a while before he headed to bed, quite early tonight. To make up for the fact that he had to meet the queen halfway through last night.

Comments

[sherlockishere]

I'm so glad you were loud and clear. This is the way that people like that are stopped. It can be scary to say anything, because at least in the US, there are people who can get violent if they are questioned. But most people, when someone pushes back, will rein it in at least.

Sigh. I wish we'd all pushed harder back on this MAGA stuff years ago.

[gottawonder]

Yes. There are people here too, with the MAGA outlook, and they ARE more likely to become aggressive if you oppose their views, by the very nature of that mindset.

This person at pottery I don't feel was very malignant, but one of those older women who just "tut tut" at things as they change and become uncomfortable for them.

I felt that it was important to let her know that there's a difference between just being uncomfortable with change, and deciding that other people's needs don't matter.

[sherlockishere]

Absolutely. This makes me think about Dean's wife, B. When they were dating, she used the N-word apparently, ONCE. She later told me that Dean looked at her very seriously and told her never to use that word again, period. I'd be willing to bet that she hasn't.

Of course, the painful part of that story is that my brother would literally tell a woman what to say and not say, but maybe you'd have to know my brother and his narcissism to understand why that bothers me.

(BTW, she is a lovely person. Just raised in poverty by parents completely embedded in the rural racist culture that used those words casually. I've never heard her say anything like that in the years since then.)

[gottawonder]

The overall pattern of your brother's behavior aside, that approach to something specific and limited like racial slurs seems appropriate.