Tuesday, February 3
Feb. 4th, 2026 12:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
Good sleep.
Wondering if the future just means little to no contact with family at all. Not because that's how I want it, but I think Sister S just doesn't want to talk with me because I am often upset about TW, though going forward that might be less of an issue.
Sister E is just...scattered? I have to call her, and most of the time she is somehow in no position to talk, either her phone is missing or not charged, or she's in the middle of something, so she says she'll call back, and often she doesn't.
At any rate, I'm assessing a certain truth here. I chase my family for contact, they don't tend to contact me. I'm kind of tired of that dynamic.
We all think our family LIKES us, but that might not be true. Maybe my family never really liked me, and I've been blind all these years.
So, exactly why am I driving home every year to see people that can't be bothered to talk to me at all the rest of the year? Maybe to see the farm, while it's still in our family?
I would love to have a group of people that can be my chosen family, who do call me first sometimes, who do like me, and do enjoy hearing from me. Wouldn't that be nice?
I laundered doggy diapers. I am finding that often they come out of the washing machine, and if they folded during the wash they aren't clean enough, so I ended up washing them again in the bath tub in detergent and hot water, and put them back in to spin.
Then I put the original signed release document for my Mom's will into an envelope and addressed it. Though I sent a scanned copy, the lawyer's office wants the original.
Then I did chores and headed to the riding barn, dropping off the document at the post office first.
I also took a stack of books with me to the post office as there is a free book exchange, so I left a pile, and took one home.
River was in a good mood today, and our session went well. Better to the right.
My Sweetie joined us, and stayed until we finished up.
We chatted with the next rider, who had a lesson. That was fun. Light, fluffy talk.
Then we headed home, I returned Dandy to his people, my Sweetie made supper, we washed dishes, and we chatted while we ate.
I end up being the one to tell my Sweetie he has to go to bed, and that's frustrating. I don't want to be considered "enabling" him to stay up late, but now I end up going to bed with him just to get him to go, and I get up after he's asleep. It's nice sometimes, but sometimes it feels like putting a toddler to bed.
Good sleep.
Wondering if the future just means little to no contact with family at all. Not because that's how I want it, but I think Sister S just doesn't want to talk with me because I am often upset about TW, though going forward that might be less of an issue.
Sister E is just...scattered? I have to call her, and most of the time she is somehow in no position to talk, either her phone is missing or not charged, or she's in the middle of something, so she says she'll call back, and often she doesn't.
At any rate, I'm assessing a certain truth here. I chase my family for contact, they don't tend to contact me. I'm kind of tired of that dynamic.
We all think our family LIKES us, but that might not be true. Maybe my family never really liked me, and I've been blind all these years.
So, exactly why am I driving home every year to see people that can't be bothered to talk to me at all the rest of the year? Maybe to see the farm, while it's still in our family?
I would love to have a group of people that can be my chosen family, who do call me first sometimes, who do like me, and do enjoy hearing from me. Wouldn't that be nice?
I laundered doggy diapers. I am finding that often they come out of the washing machine, and if they folded during the wash they aren't clean enough, so I ended up washing them again in the bath tub in detergent and hot water, and put them back in to spin.
Then I put the original signed release document for my Mom's will into an envelope and addressed it. Though I sent a scanned copy, the lawyer's office wants the original.
Then I did chores and headed to the riding barn, dropping off the document at the post office first.
I also took a stack of books with me to the post office as there is a free book exchange, so I left a pile, and took one home.
River was in a good mood today, and our session went well. Better to the right.
My Sweetie joined us, and stayed until we finished up.
We chatted with the next rider, who had a lesson. That was fun. Light, fluffy talk.
Then we headed home, I returned Dandy to his people, my Sweetie made supper, we washed dishes, and we chatted while we ate.
I end up being the one to tell my Sweetie he has to go to bed, and that's frustrating. I don't want to be considered "enabling" him to stay up late, but now I end up going to bed with him just to get him to go, and I get up after he's asleep. It's nice sometimes, but sometimes it feels like putting a toddler to bed.
no subject
Date: 2026-02-04 08:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-02-04 09:34 pm (UTC)Otherwise, we don't get much snuggle time.
He needs to be in bed before 9 pm, which is pretty early for me, and he feels like it's early too. He'd normally stay up till about midnight if he had his own schedule.
He gets home, eats, and pretty much has to go to bed, but feels a little cheated to have to live like that, so sits in the living room and scrolls...but I know if he doesn't go to sleep he's going to pay for it.
So I have to stand up and make a big deal out of going to bed so he'll go.
no subject
Date: 2026-02-05 07:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-02-05 08:40 am (UTC)My husband's job site starts work at 6 am, and it takes him nearly an hour to get there.
He doesn't even eat breakfast, he gets up, spends (oddly enough, to me) a fair amount of time in the bath tub because he likes to give himself some peaceful time before he starts the day, packs his lunch (no, he won't pack it the night before) and off he goes.
By the time he gets home again at night, it's around 6:30, so we make supper, we eat, we chat, and that's it. Time for bed.
It sucks to think that it's almost his whole life during the week.