Saturday, October 12

[gottawonder]

Today I am grateful for:

Sunshine, if chilly weather. Not unreasonable for this time of year.

My sweetie got the paperwork approved that we needed to get the inspector for our basement, and the inspector came and approved of our basement. This means that now the guys have put dirt back around the outside of the basement walls, and soon we can move the house onto the basement.

The ponies were calm as I picked out their feet today, after not being handled for the week I was away.

Dandy seems to be healing well from being castrated. I was a little worried because castrations on older horses can have more complications.

I got my shit together and made a nice lunch for the guys today (they were putting dirt around the basement walls), a veggie burger each and a hot dish of fried potatoes and sweet potato chunks, and some banana bread as a dessert.

The guy with the dog actually left it at home today.

I got lots of laundry done, my husband didn't have a chance to do any while I was away. I also changed the sheets.

Getting some carrots dug and washed so they can be frozen.

Getting home safely from visiting my family last night.

Getting snuggles from my animals. I've missed them so much!

Buying a nice pair of jeans from a local person who had them posted on the local buy and sell. They're pretty much new.

A recap of my week at home:

I marvel at the very fact that I now make the drive to see my family about twice a year. I am an okay driver, but never terribly confident, and it was so hard to do this the first time I had to admit that the bus and the plane were no longer real options for me. It's easier with a smart phone, because it helps me navigate through the city I can't avoid going through, and it helps me feel like I can always get back onto the right road even if I do make a wrong turn. Now that I've made the trip several times, I am to the point where I recognise land marks and know the tricky turn-offs enough to be looking for them, and the little towns are familiar, and I know where the gas stations are, and where are good places to pull over for naps or to stretch my legs. I know where I am most of the time, where the first couple of times it was all unknown, and I had no idea if I was in the right place, I just had to trust the highway signs, and felt like I was on high alert the whole time because I wouldn't know if I had taken a wrong turn or if I missed my turn.

Mom was in a good mood most of the time, which is pretty amazing. The last couple of times I was home, she was tired, yelled at me and my sisters for talking too much, and just being pretty miserable. I tried not to take it personally, because I know that being old sucks, and that she's likely often in pain or not sleeping, or just sad because she's getting so old. I don't blame her for having bad stretches.

This time, I noticed that she's using her walker, which is good. She was refusing to use it, but the result is just that she wouldn't walk, and was walking very little even in her home. This was likely making her mood worse too, and no one feels good when they don't exercise. This time she was having an easier time getting out of her chair, was actually getting up to get things for herself instead of asking me to get it, or just making angry sounds from her chair about whatever was out of reach. She wasn't constantly complaining about being cold (even when the house is warm), and seemed to be more social. We played several games of Scrabble, which is great because some trips she was too sick or tired to play.

I cleaned the big windows facing the street for her, put away a bunch of stuff on her front verandah and swept it, emptied her rain barrels and pulled the grass in her flower garden. I also ran a lot of day to day errands for her like picking up groceries and the mail, and stuff from the pharmacy.

She got cable, mostly so she could listen to the classic country music channel. I'm so happy she did this, because the country radio station that she's listened to most of her life has gradually shifted to modern country music that doesn't suit her tastes at all. The music station with the cable package plays all of her favorite music and I think it's done a lot to fill her quiet days.

She can also check the weather now whenever she wants, instead of having to wait for the weather updates on the radio that only come once an hour. She never liked watching television for something as frivolous as entertainment, but the news is allowable.

I was able to meet up with two friends that I went to college with 25 years ago. That town is about an hour and a half from where my Mom lives. I'm friends with some of those classmates on Facebook, and the one woman is trying to keep all of us in touch. I was so amazed at how easy it was to sit down with them and it was instantly comfortable and familiar, and to feel those bonds we had from class. We took an almost exerimental course, and the stress and challenge of that class bonded everyone in a way not unsimilar to how survivors of trauma unite.

We ended up walking around the campus together, and found our old homeroom. It was surreal.

We are going to try to meet every year now, and see if we can't get some of the others to join us.

I was also able to spend the night in that town with some close friends of mine that I don't get to see very often any more. We were very close friends for all of my 20's, and we've kept in touch over the years (also through Facebook) and see each other every few years. These are friends I would love to see a lot more of, and I'm amazed at our similarities even as we get older. They live in an older home, of the era that our farm house was built. We've been watching a lot of the same T.V. shows and movies just because of how our minds work. I'm seeing that all of us are leaning towards more community type involvement, and our values are still similar. I miss having friends like this in my life, that don't have to be tied to doing pottery or the riding barn. We're friends not because we happen to be in the same room a lot, but because we are friends.

Also out of nowhere, I got a phone call from a very dear friend of ours, that my husband and I haven't heard from in ten years. This is a man that is Canadian, and worked in Wyoming with my husband on the same kind of work visa. We were close friends, fellow stranded Canadians in the wilderness, for the seven years that we worked there, and when we moved to Alberta he even moved too, and lived in town half an hour away and we were close while he lived there for a few more years. Then, he got into a serious relationship, moved away, and we didn't hear from him for ten years. So, out of the blue he calls, and we talked for a couple of hours, and hopefully he can come visit and we'll try to keep up this time. Again, it was like we had just seen each other yesterday, without awkwardness. I've thought of him so much over the years, and I'm so glad he got in touch with us.

I got to visit quite a bit of my family (I never see them all, that's what happens when you have six sisters and two brothers; I don't even try to catch up with all their adult kids). The same two sisters I've mentioned here a lot as having a lot of health issues and making poor choices were hard for me to be with, because they are both in such poor health at relatively young ages. The one sister now has COPD and is hacking up blood and mucous all the time, and now has severe back problems, and looks near death a lot. I think that smoking and alcoholism for 40 years has a lot to do with this. She's not yet 60. The other sister almost looked like she'd had a stroke for the first half hour of our visit, she vapes constantly (she says she quit her 40 year smoking habit, and that vaping is okay, but I wonder how much nicotine that means when she puffs non-stop. Literally the thing never left her hand for our whole visit), and also looks near death. She's 66. It is always hard for me to visit with them, and listen to them go on about their poor health, and yet I know how much their own choices have led them here, and continue to lead them towards more health problems.

I finally had a good, not-rushed visit with the aunt and uncle who live in the same town as Mom. For some reason, I often put visiting them to the end, but don't leave a lot of time. It often feels rushed, and that's silly when I'm there for a week. This time I was able to visit with them for about two hours, and they showed me some collection stuff they had in the basement, and that's likely more than I've talked to my Uncle in years. He really got chatty and excited about his antiques.

I had a good drive back, and I was able to avoid the horrible snow storm in Manitoba. There was no storm in the West, so the drive was in good weather.

Overall, it was a good visit. I didn't get too overwhelmed like I do some times about how so many of my family are getting old, or really sick. It's so hard not to feel personally responsible for all the misfortunes they have, or to feel like I have to fix all their problems, or fill all their needs. It's hard not to get angry at all the "haves" in our family who don't do much to help the "have nots".

I'm grateful to have this time with my Mom, and that she was in good spirits. I'm glad to be able to drive home, and to have the physical capacity, the means, the vehicle, the time, and the help of my sweetie who took care of everything at home. I'm grateful to have made connections with some friends of mine, not just family, and that I have so many good ties to different times of my life, and that those ties continue.