Monday, January 6

[gottawonder]

Today I am grateful for:

My sweet animals, and all of the affection and company they offer.

A good day in town. I got the mail, paid a bill, got some groceries, a bit of clothes shopping. I found a men's shirt that looked brand new, on the one dollar rack at the thrift store. It's something I would still wear. It looked like a high quality shirt, so I came home and googled it, and sure enough, the brand typically retails this shirt at $169. You have to wonder what the story is behind it ending up at a thrift store. Maybe it was a gift that wasn't to the recipient's taste?

I spent some time trying on clothes again, trying to figure out how to make outfits work. A sheer white top that I had to figure out what should go under it. None of my proper bras fit any more, so soon I'm going to have to figure out what my actual bra size is. I've been dodging that one for a while by wearing sports bras, but I need at least a couple of real bras to wear with dressier clothes. I'm feeling a little strange about how a LOT of my clothes are too big now, and kind of guilty that a lot of them didn't get worn much. I had been buying a lot of clothes before as a way to feel good about myself at the size that I was; I wanted to feel pretty. I didn't have a lot of opportunity to wear those clothes, and then I lost the weight.

Then I played around with makeup. I haven't worn much makeup the last ten years. I used to wear some, but I've gotten out of the habit. All I typically wear is a bit of lipstick. I would like to wear a bit of eye makeup again, but I almost have to start wearing it at home first so I get used to it, and play around with applying it again. I am playing around with foundation a little, but I can't get over how much it looks like a mask, even though I think I've got a color match. It's almost too perfect.

I've took some selfies with the makeup, and then after without it again, because I know a picture looks different than how I look in the mirror. I haven't spent enough time looking at myself, for a long time I think that even when I looked in the mirror, I looked at myself...indirectly? If you aren't expecting to be happy with what's in the mirror, you don't look at the whole image. You almost look at it out of the corner of your eye, or just long enough to see if your clothes look okay, but you aren't really looking. Now that I've lost weight, my face looks different. I feel like my chin is really prominent now, maybe not in a bad way, but it's different. I guess I also think that my face looks good thinner, but I might look a little older in the face too, without the fat fluffing it up. I don't mind it, but it's funny to see a new face looking back at me.

Having a nice evening at home, and watched "Kate and Leopold" back when Meg Ryan was still the queen of romantic comedies. This is still a pretty good movie. It had Hugh Jackman in it, I guess before he was a truly well-known actor, and he's really quite good.