Monday, August 8
Aug. 8th, 2022 11:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gottawonderToday I am grateful for:
A fairly hot, sunny day.
The farrier made it today. I am so glad for this. Poor Wonder, her feet were really long.
Everyone was really good for the farrier except for little Dandy again. It seems I can pick up his feet all I want, but the farrier trimming him is a different issue, though she is never mean to him. We finally got him to stop jumping around by distracting him with some hay.
I had a nice, long phone conversation with my sister E. They had family (on her husband's side) come from Germany to visit.
I felt really overwhelmed by everything again today. I know that every day, I need to pick a really hard task, and work at it, because there is so much that needs to be done. It is hard to face every day knowing that there is something really monumental you have to do...every day.
I began moving boxes out of the sea can. I took a few to the garden shed that only had pottery in them (mice aren't going to hurt pottery) and several big tubs of fabric mostly, some dishes, yarn to the house.
I took most of them into the basement, one I took the dishes out and washed them, and the yarn I put everything into zip loc bags and washed out the tub because I am concerned about moths.
That in itself was a pretty good task. A good start on moving everything in.
THEN I pulled weeds in another area I want to mulch. Big, four foot tall, obnoxious Canada Thistles. I pulled for about an hour, and cleared an area about 6X12 feet. A small room.
I did talk with my Sweetie, and it ended with me feeling frustrated. Again.
We seem to be stalled on the siding right now. Several times he has said he is ready to order the material, well over a month ago he said he was ready. So I was like...fine! Order it. Call our friends. Set a date.
He kept saying over the course of the spring/summer that he wanted to side the house in August to take advantage of the usually dry weather we have then. Fine. Good. It's August now, and I ask him if he is ready, and he's not.
He did not order the material. It takes three weeks to get it after you order. That means if he ordered it now, it would maybe get here by the end of August.
I ask if he could let me order it, he says no. It would be too complicated. I ask why? How am I unable to give them the dimensions of the material we need/
It comes out: He doesn't have it figured out yet what we need for materials. He doesn't want to make a mistake regarding the window trim, and he hasn't decided yet how to approach them.
He also is now saying that he needs to talk to the carpenter we hired, because he might have a better idea of how to do the trim around our windows. I said, "what, you waited until now to ask someone about the windows?".
We had ALL WINTER where we did very little on the house, where he was supposed to be doing that kind of research to prepare for this summer.
So. Thus I am frustrated. Then he has the gall to say he would appreciate it if I would just trust him to get this kind of thing done. He says I have my jobs that I do, and he has the jobs he does.
I then ask if he has made a meeting with the person handling our account at the bank, to figure out how to sell those American stocks. He has not made a meeting, or any emails or anything with this person, and once again, I should just trust him to figure this out.
I am tired of this. This stuff needs to get done, and if he is just stalling because he doesn't know how to proceed, then we need to find the right people to answer his questions. He KNOWS that. There ARE people out there who can answer his questions. He needs to admit when he doesn't know something, and be prepared to go find someone else who can answer the question, instead of just sitting on it for another year mulling it over.
It always ends up being ME who finally realizes that he is stalled, then me who goes and finds someone else who can move things forward, while my husband gets upset that I got involved. He would rather never admit that he just doesn't know something. Maybe I am just more used to the idea that I need to ask an expert for help, instead of taking several years to learn how to do something on my own.
I learned that that the African Union has a 43-party free trade zone for goods, stretching from South Africa to Tunisia.
"Under the agreement, AfCFTA members are committed to eliminating tariffs on most goods and services over a period of 5, 10, or 13 years, depending on the country's level of development or the nature of the products.[20] General long-term objectives include creating a single, liberalised market; reducing barriers to capital and labor to facilitate investment; developing regional infrastructure; and establishing a continental customs union.[22] The overall aims of AfCFTA are to increase socioeconomic development, reduce poverty, and make Africa more competitive in the global economy."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/African_Continental_Free_Trade_Area
A fairly hot, sunny day.
The farrier made it today. I am so glad for this. Poor Wonder, her feet were really long.
Everyone was really good for the farrier except for little Dandy again. It seems I can pick up his feet all I want, but the farrier trimming him is a different issue, though she is never mean to him. We finally got him to stop jumping around by distracting him with some hay.
I had a nice, long phone conversation with my sister E. They had family (on her husband's side) come from Germany to visit.
I felt really overwhelmed by everything again today. I know that every day, I need to pick a really hard task, and work at it, because there is so much that needs to be done. It is hard to face every day knowing that there is something really monumental you have to do...every day.
I began moving boxes out of the sea can. I took a few to the garden shed that only had pottery in them (mice aren't going to hurt pottery) and several big tubs of fabric mostly, some dishes, yarn to the house.
I took most of them into the basement, one I took the dishes out and washed them, and the yarn I put everything into zip loc bags and washed out the tub because I am concerned about moths.
That in itself was a pretty good task. A good start on moving everything in.
THEN I pulled weeds in another area I want to mulch. Big, four foot tall, obnoxious Canada Thistles. I pulled for about an hour, and cleared an area about 6X12 feet. A small room.
I did talk with my Sweetie, and it ended with me feeling frustrated. Again.
We seem to be stalled on the siding right now. Several times he has said he is ready to order the material, well over a month ago he said he was ready. So I was like...fine! Order it. Call our friends. Set a date.
He kept saying over the course of the spring/summer that he wanted to side the house in August to take advantage of the usually dry weather we have then. Fine. Good. It's August now, and I ask him if he is ready, and he's not.
He did not order the material. It takes three weeks to get it after you order. That means if he ordered it now, it would maybe get here by the end of August.
I ask if he could let me order it, he says no. It would be too complicated. I ask why? How am I unable to give them the dimensions of the material we need/
It comes out: He doesn't have it figured out yet what we need for materials. He doesn't want to make a mistake regarding the window trim, and he hasn't decided yet how to approach them.
He also is now saying that he needs to talk to the carpenter we hired, because he might have a better idea of how to do the trim around our windows. I said, "what, you waited until now to ask someone about the windows?".
We had ALL WINTER where we did very little on the house, where he was supposed to be doing that kind of research to prepare for this summer.
So. Thus I am frustrated. Then he has the gall to say he would appreciate it if I would just trust him to get this kind of thing done. He says I have my jobs that I do, and he has the jobs he does.
I then ask if he has made a meeting with the person handling our account at the bank, to figure out how to sell those American stocks. He has not made a meeting, or any emails or anything with this person, and once again, I should just trust him to figure this out.
I am tired of this. This stuff needs to get done, and if he is just stalling because he doesn't know how to proceed, then we need to find the right people to answer his questions. He KNOWS that. There ARE people out there who can answer his questions. He needs to admit when he doesn't know something, and be prepared to go find someone else who can answer the question, instead of just sitting on it for another year mulling it over.
It always ends up being ME who finally realizes that he is stalled, then me who goes and finds someone else who can move things forward, while my husband gets upset that I got involved. He would rather never admit that he just doesn't know something. Maybe I am just more used to the idea that I need to ask an expert for help, instead of taking several years to learn how to do something on my own.
I learned that that the African Union has a 43-party free trade zone for goods, stretching from South Africa to Tunisia.
"Under the agreement, AfCFTA members are committed to eliminating tariffs on most goods and services over a period of 5, 10, or 13 years, depending on the country's level of development or the nature of the products.[20] General long-term objectives include creating a single, liberalised market; reducing barriers to capital and labor to facilitate investment; developing regional infrastructure; and establishing a continental customs union.[22] The overall aims of AfCFTA are to increase socioeconomic development, reduce poverty, and make Africa more competitive in the global economy."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/African_Continental_Free_Trade_Area
no subject
Date: 2022-08-10 05:29 am (UTC)I hope spouse can make some solid decisions over the next couple of days or at least get off the fence and agree that you are the one to make them.
His dilly-dallying and refusal to elicit progress amounts to doinkery!
no subject
Date: 2022-08-10 07:00 am (UTC)Yes, we had the contractor come and talk to us last time my husband was home, but that is not solid results. It is only the potential.
We did get some stuff taken to the dump, that is not HOUSE progress.
We did get rid of some plywood, that is not house progress.
We did get some work done on one of the window frames. That is house progress.
I really thought he was ready to do the siding this month, because he did say he was ready to order it a while ago, and I had my suspicions when I kept asking him if he made the call to order it, and I started getting fuzzy answers.
Now he is saying there is no reason why we can't be doing the siding as late as October. You're Canadian, you know damn well that October can be a horrible month to do something like siding. So can September.
I am upset. If he was still unsure of what to do about the window frames, he should have said so. We could have started talking to all kinds of contractors in the area for advice. Instead, he just keeps that to himself. Instead, he made it sound like he was good to go.
Then he gets upset with me for having expectations. What am I supposed to do, not have any at all?
I know his job takes up most of his bandwidth. I truly, truly wish I could just have a few days of fun and relaxing with him, but we just can't. I accept that we have to have down time for part of his time at home, because he is human. So am I.
This business with the siding though, is a lot. I asked him to order it in the spring, because it can take time for the siding to get delivered, etc. He has put it off this long, and now he tells me he is still unsure of how to proceed.
It is only because of me now asking the contractor to give my husband some help figuring this out that he is coming this weekend (hopefully). My husband didn't want to bother him if he was busy, and was going to let the contractor come to us with an answer when he felt like it. That could have taken a few more weeks, if the contractor even remembered that he was supposed to help us with the siding decision.
I honestly don't know what my husband thinks anymore. He wants to do every single thing on this house himself so that it is done right, but then he doesn't seem to care how long that will take.
I am doing my best to be helpful, to stay in problem-solving mode instead of blaming mode, but it is so hard to even be at all kind about any of this anymore. Every day it is a challenge to not be upset at him over the phone.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-10 07:44 pm (UTC)He has a job that takes up much time and thought, but there's no real reason why you can't make decisions, involve him by phone or zoom, and hire/order what needs to be hired/ordered. If the reason you can't is that he simply doesn't want you to, or he feels your knowledge doesn't match his, then he must face the fact that unfairness is slowing everything down. If there's something you don't know so that you are unable to, say, order siding, then it's up to him to work with you to get your information up to speed. I'm being generous here, because I don't think it would be that difficult to order siding if you, Spouse, and the contractor had one single meeting to discuss it.
I'm being nervy, here, but time is not on your side and winter is approaching. You can get something done, but only if Spouse eases up on the reins and treats you as the partner you are.
I'm sure his control is not malevolent or intentional. It's just... not fair.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-10 09:57 pm (UTC)In this case, his uncertainty about the windows, while also reasonable to be cautious, should have been addressed a long time ago. By recognizing that he needs more information, he should have enlisted the help of a professional much earlier in the year.
From what I understand, he really does not have the time while at work to make a few phone calls. Understood. Then we needed to contact someone on any one of the sets of days that he has been home since last fall, when he first mentioned that he wasn't sure what to do about the window frames (that is the main reason why we did not do siding last year, he wasn't sure what to do, and we ran out of time).
He doesn't even need me to do anything personally, he just needs to get the answers to his uncertainty about the window frames, and then DO SOMETHING.
There are also parts of the siding job that he wants done by a contractor, like the soffits. If he wants that done this year, he might have a hard time finding someone on short notice if he isn't even sure what he is doing right now.
As a note, we would be fine if we didn't get the siding done. It is mostly an aesthetic consideration, but then again, there is that ongoing stress that happens when you just never seem to finish a project.
We are also planning to put a veranda on the front of the house, but we can't do that until the siding is done. If we don't do the siding this year, that means it will be next year's job, and the veranda will fade away into the impossibly far future.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-11 03:31 am (UTC)A side note - I found planks of wood shoved to the side of the back porch. I think these were meant to be front porch stair replacements several months ago. Too bad I don't know how to install stairs!
no subject
Date: 2022-08-11 05:54 am (UTC)Then it is winter again.
Stairs aren't bad if the risers are already there. Then it is just a matter of cutting the boards to the right length and screwing them in, after removing the old surfaces. What is the situation with the stairs?
no subject
Date: 2022-08-11 08:08 pm (UTC)The front porch stairs have been repaired several times. They are uneven and lean to one side. They need part of the string fixed. After that is done, I can prime and paint them. I didn't do it last year, and NOW would be a perfect time.
If I get Mr. Jaws out and start scraping the porch ceiling (which needs to be refinished and painted), perhaps that will get the ball rolling.
So many projects.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-11 08:40 pm (UTC)It seems too, that if you "notice" something that needs doing, it highlights everything else that needs doing too.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-11 09:16 pm (UTC)I'm not the kind of person who likes to live among boxes and piles of things; others apparently find it "cosy".
no subject
Date: 2022-08-12 06:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-08-12 07:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-08-12 09:17 am (UTC)I do have a fine cabinet of curiosities happening. Sea shells, stones, brass bells, china, and glass ware.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-12 09:28 pm (UTC)I shove things in there when I'm in a hurry and then forget to put them away properly.